Enjoy Life With Your Teenager

Rude teenagers! Poor grades! Talking back! Out of control teens! As the song goes, "Why can't they be like we were - perfect in every way?" As I think about that, I wonder if my generation was really so different from the teenagers of today. Or, is it possible that if I take time to remember my own teen years, I might become more sensitive and sympathetic to my teen today? The teen years may be challenging but teens are also funny, interesting, caring, loving, and committed people! When parents understand behaviors that are part of the normal process of growing up, they don't have to be alarmed, ashamed, hurt, embarrassed, threatened, or shocked. It is NORMAL for teens to: o Spend lots of time with friends. o Desire independence and freedom.
o Feel invincible.
o Have opinions that are different from parents.

o Challenge rules because they see exceptions and extenuating circumstances. o Experience intense emotions and mood swings.
o Appreciate more privacy.

Teens are getting ready to leave home.
That is a tough job. During these few years teenagers are learning to become independent, become problem solvers, and become comfortable with themselves.

Parents also have a tough job. They are trying to understand teens and to help them become mature adults.
It is helpful to remember that teens are in process.

They are not who they will be as adults. A lot of learning is still taking place.
These years are the training ground for mature adult characteristics.
Tension is eased when parents merely understand the changing behaviors of teenagers.
Knowing what's "normal" for teens helps parents identify skills required to effectively guide their children. Skills like calm listening - even when I disagree! Skills like encouraging a child to think and make decisions - even when the decision is different from my own! And even the skill of parental introspection to determine, "What do I really want?" and "Why do I care so much?" All of these skills help parents refocus on their own long range goals and dreams for their children, themselves, and their family together. When parents realize that both teenager and parent have tough jobs, they can be gentler on themselves - and their teens.
With intentional communication - knowing what NOT to say is sometimes more powerful than knowing what to say - parents and teens can build a base for a relationship that will last a lifetime. You CAN enjoy life with your teen!